Is that bad?

So we got to Bath and a few of us went out. We went to a pub and a club and then another club where we stayed and danced for about 2 and half hours. It was really fun for the most part. I do feel a lot of men were looking at me, which always makes me uncomfortable, but if you don’t make eye contact they don’t approach you. Unfortunately when I volunteered to watch the coats two men/boys (they were probably 18) sat down with me and started chatting me up. We talked about really frivolous stuff for a while and then one of them started asking me how long I was in town and what I was doing the next day. Then he leaned in and obviously wanted to kiss me. I giggled and looked away, unsure of what to do. So I told a lie. I said, “Just so you know, because I feel like you’re trying to hit on me, I’m gay.” I figured it would be the best way to get him to back off. I did think to say I'm already involved but I wanted to be sure that he knew he had no chance with me (I wanted him to be able to chat up another girl who might have fancied him). Unfortunately I was wrong. Thus started quite possibly the saddest conversation of my life. He said things like, “I don’t believe you, you’re too pretty to be a lesbian” and “I don’t care, I’d fuck you anyway.” This boy asked me if I’d ever tried the other side, if I’d had a bad experience with a man, and why I was a lesbian. I told him to first tell me why he was straight. He asked if he could buy me a drink, most likely to get me drunk enough to get into bed with him.

Now he was super pissed (by which I mean drunk), but the fact that he didn’t get the message that I don’t consent to this is so much bigger than my lie. We live in patriarchal world that says lesbians aren’t real women because they don’t like to please men. Men, who run the show, can’t handle that knowledge. So if a woman is attractive, she must only be so because she wants to get a man. And if a woman is ugly a man doesn’t want her anyway, so her only option is to be with other unattractive lesbians. Sure, that makes sense.

He eventually left to go to the loo and I made my escape to the dance floor. I saw him once but refused to make eye contact. Like I said, if you don’t make eye contact they don’t bother you.

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What I'm really struggling with is the idea that maybe I've committed a horrible crime against the gay community. Does this make me a really bad ally? In hindsight it probably wasn’t the best decision I ever made. I hope all my homosexual friends will forgive my exploiting their sexuality for my own benefit.

I can say that I learned a lot by assuming the position of a lesbian if even for a few minutes. I can't believe people say things like "you're too pretty to be a lesbian." I think I'd go a little crazy if drunk men consistently said this to me, fully expecting me to be complimented and wooed. His homophobia was so very clear and it's such a clear sign that heterosexism is at large. It means that heterosexual men are convinced that gay women don't exist. They just haven't met the right guy.

Personally I've never been more inspired to fight back so I guess good did come out of it even if what I did was wrong.

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? Feel free to be brutally honest!