It's about equality. Period.

So this blog could really be titled: Erika comments on sexism in tv shows

On that note, How I Met Your Mother! Excellent show! Especially this week. The theme was challenging the idea that women are sexy when they behave like little girls and that strong, independent women are less attractive to men.

Summary: Ted laments to Robin that she was too strong in their relationship. He needed to feel needed. So he starts dating Becky, who talks and acts like a child. Becky allows Ted to take care of her by paying for ice cream, tying her shoe and killing spiders. Becky encourages this behavior by speaking in "baby talk" and generally acting incapable. Ted much prefers feeling needed to feeling submissive. Gee, I can't imagine how that feels. Can you?

This isn't the first time I've seen this scenario play out on tv. On Reba, Brock left Reba for his secretary (or something) because she couldn't figure out the toaster. So he got to be the big hero and bring the toast to the breakfast table. On Desperate Housewives, Lynette is constantly being forced into a subservient role by her husband Tom because he just can't handle a dominant woman.

So basically this boils down to the masculinity crisis. Men are supposed to be protectors and in charge of women, who are obviously weaker and can't handle themselves.

I can understand this, a little. Obviously no one wants to feel like power is being taken from them. I know I hate to be bossed around or made to feel like I can't make proper decisions. This is why I advocate partnerships, were equality is afforded to each person. That way no one feels belittled and everybody wins.

But the fact is, at least on the tv shows I watch, it's always the men in the relationships getting upset that they have no power or control. This not only reinforces the status quo, it teaches the next generation that strong women are taking something from men. Also that normal men dislike strong women so if you want a date to prom, you best behave like you should.

But here is why HIMYM rules. At the very end of the episode, Robin asks Barney (NPH) if she made him feel unneeded in their relationship, to which he responds, "Yes. You are the least needy girl I've ever banged." He goes on to further compliment her, calling her strong and powerful, which makes her all the more beautiful. The end message is clear. Independent women are in, women who act like babies are out. Seriously, who wants a clingy, needy partner? Not me. It's not fair to expect your partner to take care of you and it's equally dumb to expect to take care of your partner. Why wouldn't you want to date a functioning adult? Seriously, kids are going to be hard enough, no one needs to date one.

Here's the deal though. These men are complaining about something women have been putting up with for centuries. For some reason we were made to accept the fact that we had no control over our lives. Our fathers still give us away at weddings to another man who can provide for and take care of us. So now that men are being given the tiniest taste of that, they freak out and demand their power back. That's the reason feminists are so feared, isn't it? We represent a movement to take some of our power back, which feels to men that we're taking something away (even though it's something not rightfully theirs).

As I see it women have three ways of dealing with this situation. We can 1) give all our power to men and watch them fuck everything up again, 2) go ape shit crazy and band together to create a matriarchy or 3) compromise. Why can't we all agree that being powerless is a terrible feeling? Let's all take a moment and realize that if we don't do it to each other, no one has to feel that way.

shame on you Glee

I never EVER thought I'd ever have a bad thing to say about Glee. With all their wonderful work with homophobia I can't believe they'd allow this sort of publicity

http://nerve.com/scanner/2010/10/19/glee-stars-go-full-on-sexy-in-the-locker-room-for-gq

Actually, take that back. I can believe it. Anyone who knows feminism knows we fight homophobia and heterosexism like it's our business. Because it is our business. But not all gay rights activists are feminists. It's tragic really. We're all fighting the same system of oppression. It's not like patriarchy allows lesbianism! There's a reason why feminist and lesbian are used in the same sentence to deter women from women's rights activism. But for some reason even Lady Gaga shrinks from the F-word: http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2010/03/11/is-lady-gaga-a-feminist-or-isnt-she/

Anyway, I love you Lea Michelle and Dianna Argon but seriously I can't believe you'd do this. I respected and admired you. Such talent, I would die to have made such success with musical theatre. You all had such an opportunity to be successful female singers without giving in to the terrible objectification but you didn't. You all pooped on that.

I was chatting with some new feminist friends of mine about an Newton quote. He said "we are like dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants." Basically that means the greatest male minds of the time had a detailed history of academia to go off of. Women have no giants. Sure those of us that look for them can say Alice Paul, Florence Kennedy, Toni Morrison, Jane Austen, and others. But you have to dig to really know how wonderful these women were/are. Instead this is what we see from women we respect. This is what is reported. We are constantly reminded that the best we can hope to achieve is to pose half naked with a man.

It's not fair. And I hate it. And while it won't stop me from watching Glee (because.. come on.), I do seriously wag my finger at their press agents and hope they all get sacked. What the hell?

Is that bad?

So we got to Bath and a few of us went out. We went to a pub and a club and then another club where we stayed and danced for about 2 and half hours. It was really fun for the most part. I do feel a lot of men were looking at me, which always makes me uncomfortable, but if you don’t make eye contact they don’t approach you. Unfortunately when I volunteered to watch the coats two men/boys (they were probably 18) sat down with me and started chatting me up. We talked about really frivolous stuff for a while and then one of them started asking me how long I was in town and what I was doing the next day. Then he leaned in and obviously wanted to kiss me. I giggled and looked away, unsure of what to do. So I told a lie. I said, “Just so you know, because I feel like you’re trying to hit on me, I’m gay.” I figured it would be the best way to get him to back off. I did think to say I'm already involved but I wanted to be sure that he knew he had no chance with me (I wanted him to be able to chat up another girl who might have fancied him). Unfortunately I was wrong. Thus started quite possibly the saddest conversation of my life. He said things like, “I don’t believe you, you’re too pretty to be a lesbian” and “I don’t care, I’d fuck you anyway.” This boy asked me if I’d ever tried the other side, if I’d had a bad experience with a man, and why I was a lesbian. I told him to first tell me why he was straight. He asked if he could buy me a drink, most likely to get me drunk enough to get into bed with him.

Now he was super pissed (by which I mean drunk), but the fact that he didn’t get the message that I don’t consent to this is so much bigger than my lie. We live in patriarchal world that says lesbians aren’t real women because they don’t like to please men. Men, who run the show, can’t handle that knowledge. So if a woman is attractive, she must only be so because she wants to get a man. And if a woman is ugly a man doesn’t want her anyway, so her only option is to be with other unattractive lesbians. Sure, that makes sense.

He eventually left to go to the loo and I made my escape to the dance floor. I saw him once but refused to make eye contact. Like I said, if you don’t make eye contact they don’t bother you.

--
What I'm really struggling with is the idea that maybe I've committed a horrible crime against the gay community. Does this make me a really bad ally? In hindsight it probably wasn’t the best decision I ever made. I hope all my homosexual friends will forgive my exploiting their sexuality for my own benefit.

I can say that I learned a lot by assuming the position of a lesbian if even for a few minutes. I can't believe people say things like "you're too pretty to be a lesbian." I think I'd go a little crazy if drunk men consistently said this to me, fully expecting me to be complimented and wooed. His homophobia was so very clear and it's such a clear sign that heterosexism is at large. It means that heterosexual men are convinced that gay women don't exist. They just haven't met the right guy.

Personally I've never been more inspired to fight back so I guess good did come out of it even if what I did was wrong.

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery? Feel free to be brutally honest!

"Feminism is the radical notion that [trans]women are people."

I absolutely love when popular shows take on tough subjects. Last week Private Practice featured a transwoman looking for a gender reassignment surgery. The woman, named Jane, is a beautiful black woman who has always felt trapped in her male body. She attempted suicide once when she was younger, but now that she has the means to get surgery, she completed the necessary steps (including a year of therapy) in order to get approved. One of the things she said in her last bit of script time really struck me and reminded me why I'm a feminist. She said "I want the world to see me the way I see myself. I'll be able to bond with women and flirt with men, instead of feeling socially homeless."

This is a product of sexism, heterosexism and patriarchy. The same gender police who tell me to wear a bra or that it's wrong to go out without shaving my legs are the people telling these men and women that it's wrong to deviate from their sex. Such bull shit. This character, Jane, talks about losing friends and getting passed over for jobs and while they might not outwardly say why, in this world the message is too clear. You see, feminism is not only about getting the ERA passed or getting women into the public sphere. It's about fighting for all women. Too often transwomen are forgotten, but they are women too and they have it worse.

My professor today reminded me that in regards to race we assume that white is the default and everyone else must be qualified. In patricarchy it's the same with gender. We assume titles belong to men so we must qualify them by saying the woman professor, the female doctor, etc. We don't like to think about the transgender community because they are the most obvious and least accepted of the gender deviants. We can't pretend they're heterosexual like we can with the homosexual community, we can't just slut shame a transgender women for not wearing a bra like we can a female woman. We have to acknowledge the fact that these transmen and women are different. And different in a way our society hates. It's "unnatural," it's "against god," etc. But whatever you believe, you must accept that they are people. They have hearts and minds and souls and are hurting from the pain of being trapped. They, more than anyone in my humble opinion, need the world to stand up for them and make sure that the pain stops. That the hate crimes stop. That they are given the same rights as anyone else. Because they're people too.